Reasons I hate hockey

Aesthetics. What is beautiful? What defines beauty, quality and goodness? What distinguishes different levels of quality? For example, why are Oasis’ Wonderwall or Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit iconic songs of an era, whereas Swirl 360’s Hey Now Now fell out of our collective consciousness in months? These questions teeter on the edge of intractability.

Sometimes we try to offer accounts of why we like this or that. I suspect that most of the time the explanations we give are just after-the-fact stabs in the dark about value judgments that were made largely out of our conscious awareness within our unconscious minds. Please indulge me as I take a few stabs in the dark at why I utterly loathe hockey and wish the lockout would live on and on without end – or at least until I die or lose my mind.

Why I hate hockey

  1. It’s too fast and the puck is too small. I can’t keep up with it.
  2. Too low scoring. I used to like basketball, which is similar to hockey in a lot of ways but much higher in scoring.
  3. It’s cold. I’m a Canadian who struggles to find a single redeeming virtue for winter aside from the fact that it makes one appreciate summer.
  4. It’s on ice. So, it’s really cold. And I can’t skate. So it’s hard for me to relate to it at a physical level.
  5. It’s indoors. I find that outdoor Winter Classic game they do every year to be much less displeasing to the eyes. Plus, without the echo chamber of an enclosure, reason number 6 is largely solved.
  6. I hate how it sounds. I hate the sounds of the arena.
  7. As a kid, I didn’t like it when people would question my Canadian-ness because I didn’t like hockey.
  8. As a kid on the schoolyard, I hated when Fall came and people stopped playing baseball at lunch and recess in favour of hockey or foot hockey.
  9. Again, as a kid, I didn’t like being alienated from so many of my peers when they were talking about, wanted to watch or play hockey, or play hockey video games.
  10. To this very day I’m annoyed by the popularity of hockey, as it means that it will probably be on most or all the TVs when I go to a pub and will be the talk of at least some of my friends.
  11. Today, I no longer live in Toronto – huge hockey town, but also somewhat of a baseball town. Now, I live in Kelowna, BC. An exclusively hockey town.
  12. The return from the lockout could horn in on the Blue Jays big season. With hockey off, the Yankees not spending and getting old, the Red Sox still struggling to get their acts together, the Rays (my 2nd favourite team, by the way) having lost a few of their better players, the Orioles destined to regress, and the Jays having a blockbuster off-season, this was their time to become the city’s most popular sports team. Now a bunch of people who might have otherwise paid more attention to the Blue Jays will be distracted by their favourite perennial losers, the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Why can’t the world better conform to my interests and preferences? Yes, yes, live and let live. I get it and I would actively defend a person’s right to like hockey. But it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. If only we could redirect climate change away from the polar ice caps and toward the world’s rinks….


30 thoughts on “Reasons I hate hockey

  1. This next one is a huge generalization, but especially in my college dorm it seemed to hold true. The fans usually seem louder, rowdier, and more obnoxious than for other sports.

  2. AH HA…I hate hockey too…..especially all the competitive teams….too expensive, kids have no idea what the parents have to do to drive all over gods country, takes time away from the family…I cannot stand it…hate it and I am Canadian….

  3. The jury is out and a bunch of Canadians hate hockey. Hooray! Will you be my friends from September until summer, or whenever the Stanley Cup is won?

  4. I cannot stand it either, I am Canadian, Kelowna born, living in Ontario in a small town, lots of camoflauge wearing rednecks tell me I’m not Canadian and to “go back to Europe” when I tell them I only watch football (soccer). Go Whitecaps !!!

  5. Ive grown up watching hockey too… followed it growing up but in the last few years my interest has wavered.. THERES JUST TOOO MUCH HOCKEY YEAR ROUND!!! Its getting ridiculous!!! Its July and the main headlines on any Canadian Sports section, or sports website is: HOCKEY TRADES or CONTRACTS!!! WHO CARES!!!! TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE at least until Sept when the obsession with Hockey begins again!!!! I for 1 although I still like Hockey,.. think the season is wayyy too long. Unless its the playoffs,.. I have tuned it out and instead follow MLS and Whitecaps FC a lot closer..

  6. I hate how the Canadian media try to shove hockey down our throats 24/7 and ignore other sports. I’m sure it’s a great sport but the media has turned me totally off to it and now can’t stand the sport.

    Unfortunately, living in Toronto, all they talk about is hockey. The Fan590 and TSN Radio have a bunch of puckheads that spew hockey crap all the time and are clueless about other sports (especially basketball, which I like).

  7. I was always neutral on hockey, until the last several years, then people would question my allegiance to Canada because I didn’t wet my pants whenever hockey was on. I absolutely LOVE Canada….. and DESPISE hockey! I don’t like how I’m forced to be a fan, or be questioned about my patriotism.

    Does anybody know of any forum or anything where hockey haters can get some refuge? Perhaps we could start one. …

  8. You think hockeys low scoring!? Get a fucking clue. Soccer is the gayest and low scoring sport in the WORLD. In hockey, theres checking and they fight. Lebron is the biggest douche on the planet. #RichPeverly

  9. Hockey is not a classy sport. And, as a Montrealer, Habs fans are so obnoxious, it makes me hate a sport I just wouldn’t care about if not for them.

  10. Last year I played in a shinny-style ‘sponge puck’ tournament in Northern Ontario. It was billed as a fun, family event. I’m not a good skater. At all. From the dressing room to the stands it was non-stop verbal abuse – from my own hometown, no less. I was repeatedly called a ‘faggot’ and eventually was banned from getting on the ice by my own teammates due to my lack of experience. Apparently having a good time with family and friends is not the point of hockey at all. Fuck that sport and everyone who treats it like a sacred cow here in Canada. The game is so expensive to play that pretty soon only the entitled rich kids and their shitty hick parents will be the only ones participating. We’re already seeing this now. You know, I shouldn’t be ostracized in my community just because my parents were too poor to get my ass into hockey when I was a child. Bullshit.
    So fuck Don Cherry, the Toronto Maple Leafs, shitty hockey parents and their entitled asshole children who get praise for chasing a piece of rubber around a sheet of ice.

  11. Hockey is slowly declining even in Canada. It will still be #1.,, but a sport making a rise in Canada is soccer. Redneck hicks will laugh at this comment, but it’s a fact. Soccer will be huge in decades to come in North America after all the soccer hating rednecks are too old irrelevant and all the young kids growing up loving playing FIFA on XBox, following MLS, EPL, Ronaldo and Messi will be adults.

  12. What i hate is how hockey is shoved down our throats, they put the players on a golden pedestal and they’re worshipped as demigods like Hercules — WTF ?

    They’re not heroes nor do they have respect for women , its the MACHO thing and when you say you hate hockey , you;re called all sorts of names
    If you don’t like hockey you must be gay……..
    Really childish, but is’nt it childish to skate around an ice rink in your pyjamas and get paid 3 million dollars a year , then go to a bar and pick up women then take them home and rape them ?? – oh that’s what bieng a MAN is , i forgot…
    HOCKEY IS LIFE ???? —– LMAO !!!!!!!!!

    Please grow a brain , i’m not impressed.

  13. Everyone commenting here seems to be a 12 year old female soccer player who has horrible arguments and zero logic. Make a decent point and defend it logically before you bash on millions of people’s favourite activity, and you all accuse hockey players of being immature. Grow up hypocrites.

  14. I am with you on #6 – “i hate how it sounds”. I have family in Toronto (I am American). Over time, visits to that city have levelled off (eventually, all the cousins in my big fat Greek family got married off, finally!), but at one point, I had to visit for family obligations at least once a year, for 15 years. Every…single…time, I felt I had to defend myself for not being totally knowledgeable and fanatical about the NHL. My local team was rather successful in that era, too. I don’t begrudge the sport – I’m a football and NBA guy, and that’s it. But…that was simply not good enough for a couple of my Toronto cousins! Sheesh…..

  15. The sounds of the game I’ve been forced to listen to over the past 10 hrs has driven me MAD. The sound of the sticks, the checking, the fans and the damn announcers. What a waste of time. It’s literally driven me crazy hearing them yack. They never shut the fuck up…it’s like it’s more relevant than the actual news. I pick the History Channel, Discovery… Anything!! At ,east there’s something to learn there.
    Not to mention. These shits are overpaid like any other sport. Try giving the firefighters, teachers, nurses a damn raise… They are the ones that deserve decent pay… Not shcmucks chasing a puck, ball whatever.

  16. Cont’d…I’d best describe just HEARING a hockey game is akin to Chinese water torture… It IS crammed down our throats. We are force fed this shit, and EXPECTED to like it and ask for seconds.
    HATE IT!!!

  17. The worst are bandwagon jumpers who think BECAUSE they are born in Canada… They HAVE TO LOVE IT… NOT JUST LIKE IT.
    Ask the natives if they think hockey is “being Canadian”

  18. Hockey has been rammed down my throat ever since I was in elementary school. I hated it then, and I hate it now. Even more so. I’ve been told so many times that I’m not a ‘good Canadian’ because I don’t like hockey. Why do you people say that? There’s a hell of a lot more to being a ‘good Canadian’ than liking this mindless sport that gets way too much air time. I really think that many people, especially men, look to hockey to fill an empty void in their lives. If you like hockey, then fine. But don’t expect all of us ‘Canadians’ to feel the same. It’s just a sport, one of many.

  19. Here’s something I had never really noticed until the other day:

    In a social conversation, if I mention that I’m NOT a hockey fan then I am always asked “why not?”. As a comparison, if I were to say ” I don’t like tennis”, then people would just respond “OK” and that would be the end of the topic. But for some reason, if you don’t like hockey then you are obligated to explain WHY!

  20. I too, despise hockey! Everything to do with hockey is so LOUD! It drives my insane! Even the bloody TV commercials are the same. Nothing but noise! They would have to pay ME millions of dollars to go to a game or watch it on TV.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s