Reasons I hate hockey

Aesthetics. What is beautiful? What defines beauty, quality and goodness? What distinguishes different levels of quality? For example, why are Oasis’ Wonderwall or Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit iconic songs of an era, whereas Swirl 360′s Hey Now Now fell out of our collective consciousness in months? These questions teeter on the edge of intractability.

Sometimes we try to offer accounts of why we like this or that. I suspect that most of the time the explanations we give are just after-the-fact stabs in the dark about value judgments that were made largely out of our conscious awareness within our unconscious minds. Please indulge me as I take a few stabs in the dark at why I utterly loathe hockey and wish the lockout would live on and on without end – or at least until I die or lose my mind.

Why I hate hockey

  1. It’s too fast and the puck is too small. I can’t keep up with it.
  2. Too low scoring. I used to like basketball, which is similar to hockey in a lot of ways but much higher in scoring.
  3. It’s cold. I’m a Canadian who struggles to find a single redeeming virtue for winter aside from the fact that it makes one appreciate summer.
  4. It’s on ice. So, it’s really cold. And I can’t skate. So it’s hard for me to relate to it at a physical level.
  5. It’s indoors. I find that outdoor Winter Classic game they do every year to be much less displeasing to the eyes. Plus, without the echo chamber of an enclosure, reason number 6 is largely solved.
  6. I hate how it sounds. I hate the sounds of the arena.
  7. As a kid, I didn’t like it when people would question my Canadian-ness because I didn’t like hockey.
  8. As a kid on the schoolyard, I hated when Fall came and people stopped playing baseball at lunch and recess in favour of hockey or foot hockey.
  9. Again, as a kid, I didn’t like being alienated from so many of my peers when they were talking about, wanted to watch or play hockey, or play hockey video games.
  10. To this very day I’m annoyed by the popularity of hockey, as it means that it will probably be on most or all the TVs when I go to a pub and will be the talk of at least some of my friends.
  11. Today, I no longer live in Toronto – huge hockey town, but also somewhat of a baseball town. Now, I live in Kelowna, BC. An exclusively hockey town.
  12. The return from the lockout could horn in on the Blue Jays big season. With hockey off, the Yankees not spending and getting old, the Red Sox still struggling to get their acts together, the Rays (my 2nd favourite team, by the way) having lost a few of their better players, the Orioles destined to regress, and the Jays having a blockbuster off-season, this was their time to become the city’s most popular sports team. Now a bunch of people who might have otherwise paid more attention to the Blue Jays will be distracted by their favourite perennial losers, the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Why can’t the world better conform to my interests and preferences? Yes, yes, live and let live. I get it and I would actively defend a person’s right to like hockey. But it doesn’t mean that I have to like it. If only we could redirect climate change away from the polar ice caps and toward the world’s rinks….

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14 thoughts on “Reasons I hate hockey

  1. This next one is a huge generalization, but especially in my college dorm it seemed to hold true. The fans usually seem louder, rowdier, and more obnoxious than for other sports.

  2. AH HA…I hate hockey too…..especially all the competitive teams….too expensive, kids have no idea what the parents have to do to drive all over gods country, takes time away from the family…I cannot stand it…hate it and I am Canadian….

  3. The jury is out and a bunch of Canadians hate hockey. Hooray! Will you be my friends from September until summer, or whenever the Stanley Cup is won?

  4. I cannot stand it either, I am Canadian, Kelowna born, living in Ontario in a small town, lots of camoflauge wearing rednecks tell me I’m not Canadian and to “go back to Europe” when I tell them I only watch football (soccer). Go Whitecaps !!!

  5. Ive grown up watching hockey too… followed it growing up but in the last few years my interest has wavered.. THERES JUST TOOO MUCH HOCKEY YEAR ROUND!!! Its getting ridiculous!!! Its July and the main headlines on any Canadian Sports section, or sports website is: HOCKEY TRADES or CONTRACTS!!! WHO CARES!!!! TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE at least until Sept when the obsession with Hockey begins again!!!! I for 1 although I still like Hockey,.. think the season is wayyy too long. Unless its the playoffs,.. I have tuned it out and instead follow MLS and Whitecaps FC a lot closer..

  6. I hate how the Canadian media try to shove hockey down our throats 24/7 and ignore other sports. I’m sure it’s a great sport but the media has turned me totally off to it and now can’t stand the sport.

    Unfortunately, living in Toronto, all they talk about is hockey. The Fan590 and TSN Radio have a bunch of puckheads that spew hockey crap all the time and are clueless about other sports (especially basketball, which I like).

  7. I was always neutral on hockey, until the last several years, then people would question my allegiance to Canada because I didn’t wet my pants whenever hockey was on. I absolutely LOVE Canada….. and DESPISE hockey! I don’t like how I’m forced to be a fan, or be questioned about my patriotism.

    Does anybody know of any forum or anything where hockey haters can get some refuge? Perhaps we could start one. …

  8. You think hockeys low scoring!? Get a fucking clue. Soccer is the gayest and low scoring sport in the WORLD. In hockey, theres checking and they fight. Lebron is the biggest douche on the planet. #RichPeverly

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